the condom got lost in my hair
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
