I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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