just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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