sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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