Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
