He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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