Pants 0. Shit 1.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
