you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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