yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize