She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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