Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Life is so much better after having sex.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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