So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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