Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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