Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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