Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Randomize
