Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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