think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
