Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
