I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
