Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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