Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
