You're so nebulous sometimes
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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