I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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