so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
