Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
