I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
