whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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