i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
