I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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