So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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