Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
