I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
