How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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