Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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