i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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