I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
