He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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