I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
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Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
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I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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