im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
