I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
