Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
