R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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