so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
