dude i'm inner monologue high
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
