Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
