zippers are such a cool invention
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I need to sanitize my soul.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
