So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
