i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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