no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
