HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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