So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
