Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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