I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
