She's JV to your varsity
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
