dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
