Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You're like the curious george of whores
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
