Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Randomize
