sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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