we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
