the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
