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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
