shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
