dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
