I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
