The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Buhtt sex?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Randomize
