I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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