Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
