You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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