I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
