I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
