and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
